Wednesday, September 30, 2009

BLOOPERS



SHEPHERD TO SHEEP


BLOOPERS


(2 Cor 4:7) But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.


Do you ever have times where you're making a lot of mistakes and you feel you're off your game? For whatever reason you're fumbling the ball and your thunder has turned to blunder. You feel you're a candidate to win the America's Funniest Videos contest. But the only problem is it's not so funny and the jokes on you! You want to be on top of things. You're embarrassed about yourself and your performance. You know you could do better but just feel so weak. If that's you then read these funny church bulletin bloopers then we'll talk.


Thursday night will be Potluck Supper-prayer and medication will follow...Evening massage at 6 p.m....The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession....Ushers will eat latecomers...Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community...Don't let worry kill you off-let the church help... A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow...At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice...Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the church. Please use large double door at the side entrance...The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir...Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door...The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth into Joy."...Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands...Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests recordings of pastor's sermons...Missionary from Africa speaking at church. Her name is Bertha Belch. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa...Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers... Men's Prayer Breakfast. No charge, but your damnation will be gratefully accepted...I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, even though he diets, yet shall he live...A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife...Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir...Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people...Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch...The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility...Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers' so bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome!...The agenda was adopted-the minutes were approved-the financial secretary gave a grief report... Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford."...The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.


Yeah, so we make mistakes. Let's learn to laugh at ourselves and claim the grace of God over our lives. I used to take things so seriously. Now I like to see the humor and irony of things. Like when I poured myself some cereal and put the milk in the pantry and the cereal box in the fridge! I now call those moments "funnies." I'll tell Cheryl I did a funny and then we'll laugh. (She probably thinks early Alzheimer's!)


Sin is one thing but making bloopers and blunders is another. You don't have to be Superman or Superwoman or even Superchristian. All the heroes in the Bible were just regular people like you and me.


God used them not because of themselves but in spite of themselves. God can use cracked pots!


Louie


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1 comment:

Chewygirl said...

This reminds me of Mad-Libs where you ask a person for a noun, a verb, etc. etc. and the paragraph read back sounds totally ridiculous. That was totally funny.